The Unexpected Autist

So here goes, the start of a self-exploration of what autism means to me. In this first blog I’m going to talk about stimming. The term ‘stimming’ refers to self-stimulating behaviours that are often used by people with autism or other developmental disorders. The most common one you’re likely to think of is flapping your hands - my son does this a lot when he’s excited! Some people rock, some people jiggle, hum, bang their head, make noises; there’s really no end to the variety of stims possible. My stim is not a very healthy one - I pick at my skin. I’ve been doing it since my teens, I think, but it has taken me the best part of twenty years to realise why. It’s not the easiest thing to write about, as I’ve always been quite self conscious about it, and how it makes my skin look. I have a skin condition that means I get a lot of little bumps and miniature cysts on my skin and I find them completely irresistible to pick at. I mostly do it when I’m stressed, and when I’ve got a l...

I have been thinking a lot lately about identifying as autistic, and why - especially as a person who thought I knew quite a bit about autism - it took me so long to realise that I have it myself. There are still a lot of misconceptions about what autism is and how it displays, particularly in females. When I was learning about autism in the late 90s, the lack of theory of mind was an essential part of diagnosis, and we were taught that autism is much less common in women, but much more severe. As I’ve been doing more recent research, I’ve found I don’t really identify with a lot of the prominent autistic female narratives that I’ve found in books or blogs. For this reason I’ve decided to explore this in a series of short blogs as I get a chance to put my thoughts down, partly as a way of making sense of it myself, and partly for any other women who feel different but don’t quite know why. My life as it is now has been shaped by my autism, of course, but also by the unique set of c...