The Unexpected Autist

I have had a very mixed experience with the world of employment. I often feel like I haven’t really achieved the things I’m capable of, haven’t got where I want to be in my career. Where I’m capable of. I don’t quite mean that I haven’t reached the pinnacle of my career yet, I mean that I, as I am today, right now, ought to be doing better than I am. I’m pretty sure this is not a uniquely autistic thing, but there are a few things I need to unpack about why  I’ve struggled in work, so that I can move on and do better. I also really want to do this in a balanced way, so I can work out what I do well, as well as what I struggle with. To the outside world, I think I look quite successful. People are often saying nice things about ‘amazing’ things I’ve done, but I have come to the conclusion that they are using completely different measures of success to me. It’s quite difficult for me to marry up these positive comments with how I feel inside - again, not exclusively an autistic t...

This year was my 39th Christmas as an autistic person, but the first Christmas that I have known  I’m autistic. It’s been interesting. One of the things I have found a little weird about exploring my autistic brain is that I keep getting these little moments of “Oh, that’s  why I’ve always done this...”, and this Christmas has been no different. I had a big one today. I’ve been reading lost of posts from other autistics on Twitter talking about coping with Christmas - the sensory overload, having to be social, and how they survive it all - all the while thinking that I’ve never really had issues with Christmas. I did have a little weep yesterday (Christmas Day itself), but that was because I had a stinking cold and didn’t get enough sleep... wasn’t it?? Today I had a bit of a realisation. My husband dances with the village Morris side, and Boxing Day is a big day for them. As I was driving over I had a sudden flashback to last year, sitting crying in my car waiting for Hus...

Autistic people aren’t supposed to be any good at communication. It’s this word that is always used - deficit - like there is something wrong  or something lacking  from the way we choose to communicate. Granted, autism is a spectrum, and some people on the spectrum do find communication difficult, and aren’t very good at it. But then, some people who aren’t  on the spectrum also find communication difficult, and aren’t very good at it. I am *exceptionally* good at communicating my feelings, thoughts, opinions, and desires to other people. I say *exactly* what I mean, no more, no less. The trouble is, I have realised as I’ve got older, that most people don’t like this at all. This is what drives me crazy. People are always reading things in to what I say that just aren’t there - and I’m  supposed to be the one with a communication problem?! I have been called manipulating, accused of always needing to get my own way, undermining, being bossy... it’s really upsett...